All characters in the following blog post are entirely fictitious but I have met a few like them! You might even say they are exaggerations of allotment characters I have met? Shall I get on with it?
Mr and Mrs 'Right On.'
This is a middle class, Barbour jacket wearing couple. They decide to get themselves a municipal allotment and grow 'Organic' vegetables and worship Mother Earth and:
"Do one's bit".
The great day arrives and they go to see their new potage and can't believe their eyes:
"Vegetables don't come washed and diced in plastic bags (biodegradable of course) like the one's we get at Marks and Spencer's?"
Mr and Mrs Right on decide that their allotmenteering efforts will prevent global warming and the depletion of the Amazon rainforests all because THEY are growing 'Organic' vegetables.
Mr Right On does not believe in digging or weeding his allotment. He doesn't want to upset the ecosphere and anaerobic digestion of some endangered worm species ("Lesser Spotted Tunbridge Wells Elasticicus") and decides he will find an extra few hours a week for their gardener Mr Commonplace.
"Yes sir, Yes sir."
Doffing cap, tugging forelock.
Mr and Mrs 'Right On' drive an enormous gas guzzling Volvo estate. This is however only for transportation and for carrying the 'Organic' produce and gardening equipment to the allotment shed.
Mr 'Right On' is tired of Mrs 'Right On' complaining of the allotment earth on the car carpets.
"Must get a shed for the allotment."
"Yes dear. What kind?"
"Oh only a small thingamajig. I think they call them Gatekeepers cottages. Must have a look in the classifieds for one."
"Time for tea."
"With a lemon slice".