Saturday, 5 January 2019

Booking An Alternative Airline. "Anybody Want To Sell An Old 747?"

I see a certain short flight air company was voted the 'worst airline' for six years in a row.  We always use them because they are extremely cheap but I do think they could give you a free beverage, not try to sell me a lottery ticket and provide some in flight entertainment.  This got me thinking, hmm...?

Imagine if you could get a second hand flight simulator or even a 747 jet.  Park it up on a supermarket car park.  Then you could sell “stay at home holidays”.  A hostess greets you with your favourite drink and they show you to your seat.  A band  starts playing your favourite music: “Tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree.”
Then the hostess serves you your favourite native dish.  No I am not talking about Chicken Tikka Masala.  Yes we all know it was invented in a London restaurant. Margarine is actually grey and electricity slot meters are not money boxes for saving up in. 
You have some more drinks and listen to your favourite comedian.  Then you chat up the air hostess and think you are having an intelligent conversation.  In reality she is thinking:
“Oh no?  Not another two pot shouter”.
She must be Australian? 
Don’t ask why you never see Skippy the bush kangaroo any more on the television: "Tut, tut, tut".
"What Skippy?  He's fallen down the mine and I need to bring a rope and couple of tinnies to quench your thirst?"

The poor air hostess goes to the toilets (outside one’s on the wings) and wipes your spit from her ears.  
You then go home and sleep in your own little beddy wed. 
I forgot to say that there is a big sign advertising the tour.  It says;

What do you think?  You think you have been on holiday.  But it reality this is not true.  All you did was walk out of Tesco’s and climb up some steps on an old 747.  I am surprised that anybody hasn’t already thought of it? 
You know how they say fact is funnier than fiction.  Well... 
I read in some book (can’t remember?) that if you jump into a taxi in Dublin and say;.
“Take me to Butlins please driver.”
The driver takes you to Asylum Seekers centre.  Yes believe it or not.  They incarcerate asylum seekers in the former Butlins holiday camp. 
Here's another alternative airline for you to consider:


  1. I like the sound of this. It is surprising nobody has thought of it. It sounds like an episode of Hi Di Hi.

  2. Thanks Rachel. I think a lot of people want a UK holiday in the sun. I once heard somebody say Benidorm is Blackpool in the sun. The Gunners have just scored at Bloomfield Road. How's that for a link?

  3. Yes a good day at the office for The Arsenal and the Red Devils. Its quiet on ye olde blog tonight. I get lots and lots of views but few comments. At least they read the posts. Thanks!

  4. You leave me speechless. I will re-think my future travel plans.

    1. I am glad this post made you re-think your future travel plans Susan. It's a bit like a psychologist saying we should change how we think rather than our environment. It would be a lot cheaper if we had 'stay at home' hols! Thanks!

  5. Throw in a few bunk beads and t you could have a week-end on board?

    1. Yes that's right Cumbrian. That's why I want a 747 for the space. If we landed it on Lidl car park we could bring our own cheap booze and not need any Duty Free? Thanks!

  6. "If it's outside Yorkshire it's not worth bloody visiting"

    They do great mushy peas anyway.

  7. And pilot Boycott pours himself a pint! The great man and Manchester United fan walked past me on the pitch at Scarborough and said: "Hello son". My great grandfather came from Yorkshire and the Lancashire and Yorkshire Railway Company founded Manchester United. Mushy peas are better than a panini. Think on Ryan air. Thanks Gwil.

  8. There's no place like home; the food's better. Right?

  9. You are right about the food Valerie and you get to sleep in your own bed. I like sun holidays. Especially the Algarve. I just don't like flying there. Especially when there is no in flight entertainment and I am looking at my watch every two minutes.

  10. This was funny, but did remind me that I never travel far from home and that is always in our little van which, if you go too fast round a corner, tends to feel as if is getting ready for a take-off!

  11. Hi Vera. I am glad you found it funny. I think there is more to travel and in flight entertainment than a cheap no frills air bus in the sky. Thanks.

  12. The old Yorkshire Airlines video! Isn't it great? I watch it once every few months. It never fails to crack me up.


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