"Who loves you baby?"
Then I would try to keep my eyes open waiting for Jimmy Hill and 'Match Of The Day.' Very often they would make you wait an hour for United ("Glory, glory Man United") to come on and very often I would be fast asleep on the armchair in 'front room'. I often fell to sleep thinking of 'spud pie, chips and beans', that my dear mother (R.I.P) would bring back for me from the chippy around corner from where we lived.
Any road. One night, me mum and dad and his cousin and her fiancée came back from the pub and chippy to find me fast asleep on the armchair. My mum apparently started saying to my dad:
"Wake him up Jim. His chips will be cold."
My dad's posh cousin's fiancée then decided to shake my arm and attempted to wake me up from my slumber, no doubt dreaming of 'Wonder Woman'. My dad said:
"I wouldn't do that Ken.
I don't think that's a good idea waking him up."
"I have had lots of experience in my time dealing with children."
He attempted to shake my arm again and said:
"Come on Davy boy. Wake up?"
Why had he suddenly got an Irish accent? There was no rousing me from my deep sleep. So Ken shook me furiously. I suddenly woke up, imitating a leprechaun with a Poteen induced hangover. One didn't know where I was. So I started shouting at the top of my voice:
"P*ss off. P*ss off. Leave me alone."
Posh relations did not seem very impressed at all. They never called at our house for a chippy supper again!
See you on Sunday folks.