"Wash Day" For 'Domino' (The life and times of a smallholding cat).

"That's a strange television."

That's Domino our smallholding cat.  He's busy exploring the washing machine and 'Utility' room.  Or the 'Boot' room if you're posh!   He says he doesn't like washing machines and Hoovers.  Can't disagree there.

Time To Do Some Painting On The Smallholding? (May be not!)

Continuing on the Cork Park and Ride tale from yesterday.  When we boarded our car to go back to West Cork.  I noticed 'Woodies' DIY store.  So I asked the one who must be obeyed to just nip round the corner and "we'll get some paint."

"What do you want some paint for?"

"To paint our bedroom.  That's if it's cheap enough."

Sure enough we went down the slip road and ended up on the dual carriage way heading towards Ballincollig and West Cork.  So we took another slip road and ended up in the middle of nowhere.  So I said:

"Forget about it we are going home.  I have had enough."

Last night we was watching some TV programme about Hotel Inspectors on Sky, who tell you to make your hotel/B&B into a boutique and spend a fortune on each room, have plastic surgery and charge a hundred quid a night for a bed, shower and a greasy breakfast in the morning.  The reason why I tell you this is because there was lots of talk about PAINT.

So I says last night.

"Think I'll get some paint tomorrow for our bedroom."

The missus tuts.

"What's up?"

Asks me.

"I know your painting.  It's throw everything on the bed and off you go.  There's no emptying the room or painting behind the wardrobe."

After 18 years marriage I think she's got a point.  I have no patience for painting.  Why can't somebody invent a six foot paint brush that paints your room in ten minutes?  I hate painting!

"The Wheels Of The Bus Go Round and Round.." (But not in the Countryside.)

We went to Cork city on Friday.  The missus had an hospital appointment.  Just 60 miles for a ten minutes conversation.  I of course went with her to give her passenger commentary while she drove the windy roads to Cork.  I noticed a lot of the fields still are full of straw stubble and far too wet to plough.

Any road we got to the Cork 'Park and Ride' after negotiating lots of chicanes and one lane dual carriage way designated roads because of the major new road works in the city.  Don't get me wrong it's great to see infrastructure and the lads and the machinery working.  It's just that the 'powers that be' don't seem to spend a penny on the rural roads.  You can't even walk along the country roads at night because there are no pavements, ridiculous high speed limits on roads built for horses and carts.   Public transport is very rare or even doesn't exist.

Any road (again).  We paid five Euros for a parking ticket and boarded a BUS.  I had to go upstairs (naturally) and enjoy my midlife crisis/second childhood and realise that I was actually on a bus.  Is it really too much to ask for to have some public transport in a rural setting?  My next adventure is to go on a train.  It's been so long and I am starting to get dewy eyed when I see television programmes which feature trains.  Hey perhaps I could get a train to go with my 2 tractor collection?

The bus journey was really enjoyable and it dropped us off in the city centre.  We decided to pass some time 'people watching' and doing some 'retail therapy'.  I waited outside one shop listening to a busker playing a saxophone and an elderly lady came up to me and said:

"Isn't it dreadful having to listen to them playing their organs in the middle of the street?"

I have course nodded in agreement (can't you tell I am half English?) and wondered why is it always me who gets asked their opinion by complete strangers.  Perhaps I look wise, mature or just completely daft?

Do you want a laugh and a joke?  Good.  Go to Youtube.com/Sminky Animation.  There's a self taught genius animator from Cork called Andrew James who's posted his cartoons.  There's lots of swearing and the accent sounds like a certain ex Manchester United midfielder talking.  My favourites are: "I can't do it." Handsome Donkey, "Awful Sad" and "Fat Rabbit".   Enjoy folks.

Isn't It Time we All Had Allotments And Smallholdings?

I have been an allotment grower and smallholder for over twenty years now.  The horse meat scandal in England makes me want to express some of my thoughts.

Did you know that most vegetables in our supermarkets are sprayed with harmful chemicals that kill wildlife and flora?  These chemicals are also strongly linked to some cancers.

Most farm animals end up in the slaughter house unless they are ill and full of drugs or got TB.

Any bovine farm animal in Europe is required by law to have an annual TB test in a cattle crush.  The cattle crush is compulsory and all farmers have to have one.  Horses do not not need to be tested.  So why have them in the food factories?

Bulls (old or young) are killed and sold as beef.  Old sows are killed and sold as bacon.  Then we wonder some times why our meat is tough.

It's pleasing to hear that people are moving away from processed food.  Lets support our local farmers and butchers and green grocers and allotment growers.  But ask for traditional breeds of beef like Aberdeen Angus or Hereford.  Ask them to mince the steak in front of you.  Ask the green grocer for a certain brand of carrot:

"Have you got any "Nantes" carrots, please?"

It's your money after all, so don't settle for anything but the best.

Better still grow some traditional veg with no nasty chemicals.  Get an allotment or even buy or rent a smallholding.   I often see cheap smallholdings for sale here in Ireland, Scotland and Portugal.   Lets make the countryside alive again.  The only way you will know if your food is chemical free and what breed or variety you want is to grow it and raise it yourself.

No Fleetwood Mac Concert For Me! Another day on the ranch (Smallholding) shucks!

I had a look on Ticketmaster on Wednesday for any upcoming concerts in Ireland.  I was amazed, and you could have knocked me down with a proverbial feather.  None other than FLEETWOOD flipping MAC are touring Europe (not West Cork though)  and are going to play Dublin in September.  So I dilled and dallied and guess what?  They've only gone and sold out!

I didn't want to go anyway.  I can't stand the big arenas, bouncers, plastic beer and 12000 screaming fans ("Yeah right!")  Fans who scream before you have seen them.  I mean you wouldn't scream if Britney Spears dropped her...hmm.., handkerchief, would you?  Well I probably would if she ever came to play some little pub here in West Cork.  Did I tell you about the price of the tickets?

"Cor blimey and all that.  "When I was a lad you could go to see Fleetwood Mac, ride home on a bus (we don't have any) get some fish and chips, have four pints of pond water (arena lager) and you still had 20 cents left out of 500 Euros."

Any road I am not putting the Fleetwood Mac date in my diary.  Not that I have one of course.

Oh yeah.  10CC are also touring the UK but not Ireland.

Country File Says We Are Having An 18 Month Winter. (Rain Stopped Play.)

I seem to spend my Sunday afternoons and evenings, watching the Premiership ("Glory, glory, Man United") on Sky, having a few scoops of Newcastle Brown, watching Time Team (how can you find anything in 3 days?) and watching Country File.  I like watching it because I love the British Countryside and especially Julia Bradbury (born in Dublin and lived in Peak District) is a lass who loves walking - proper lass.  I bet she sups pints (bitter) and supports Manchester United and you can talk to her about cricket, allotments, smallholdings and heavy rock music?  I also like your railway walks programmes Julia - thanks!

Any road (proper northern English talk, what's wrong with some proper slang?)  according to Country File the residents of the British Isles have been having an 18 month winter.  I think that's a bit optimistic, don't you?  I can't remember a proper summer since 2003.  One of those years when you look like you've been to Spain and you have only been sitting outside or weeding the veg plot.  The seasons are up the spout and I think it's time the weather booked up.  

We (me and number one son) had a go at ploughing with Anna Ford and my sixty five Euros plough this week.  Here's a few pictures.  

"Ann a Ford"  My Ford 3000.

"Number 2" son and Jack Russell terrier sitting on "Maggie".

Half ploughed field.  Then it rained for a change.

Parts of the field now have some nice ruts that are full of water.  Can I say that these are natural habitats for wading birds and smallholders in wellington boots?   All this trouble for some Fodder Beet.  Anybody want to help me pike (by hand) fym over the furrows?  Oh the joys of smallholding farming .  It's raining again today.  This is not cricket is it?  Rain stopped play.  

A 2 Tractor Smallholding

"Maggie" our new Ford 4000 with a new coat of paint.

"Maggie and "Anna Ford".  My two Ford tractor pals.

A lot of people who live in towns have 2 cars.  We have 2 tractors.  "Maggie" is getting her new roof on her cab this week.  More pictures soon.   I want a grey Fergie next or some other project.  Perhaps I could start my own tractor museum or at least a private collection.  Anybody else collect tractors?

Joke:  What do you call a man who used to like tractors but he doesn't any more?

Answer:  An extractor fan!

Joke:  Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It drove down the road and turned in a field.

Got any tractor jokes?