Wednesday, 14 November 2012

One's Thoughts about Vinyl Records.


I have got back into my writing mode this week after talking about it on recent posts.   I did pen a humorous manuscript about people and their hobbies yonks ago .  It's had a few rejections from publishers but rather than waste it.  I am going to give you some of them to read for absolutely FREE!  Call it an early Christmas present readers.  

ADVERT:  "Gizza Job."
In the meanwhile if there are any book publishers or newspapers who would publish my books or give us a job writing for them - get in touch.  I'm very cheap and I can tell the time, so it will be there on your desk, YESTERDAY!

Here goes:



 RECORD COLLECTORS.

Today (Nov 14) marks the sixtieth anniversary of the record charts in the UK.  3.7 Billion records have been sold in that time.  That's almost enough to reach the moon and back again.  

I reckon, hmm...  If you want to study the psychological make up of a person, study their record collection.  My musical tastes stem from The Nolan’s, Brass bands, Katherine Jenkins and heavy metal.  

Women seem to be far more eclectic.  I know a woman who likes Max Bygraves, Jim Reeves, Amy Wine house and the Wurzels.  Most of the time she likes listening to 'peace and quiet'.   

Is your house full of records and CD's that you never play?  I am after one of them there wind up record players with a gramophone horn.  I am going to play the records in my vegetable plot to make my vegetables grow.  

I always feel nostalgic when I look through my old record collection.  It makes me think of a certain time in my life and what I was doing.  You often think to yourself: 

“Why did I buy that Show Waddy Waddy record?”  

Do you remember those Pick nit (Pickwick records) that they used to sell in Tescos and Asda?  You could buy a current up to date chart album for half the price of a bona-fide (kosher) label like pie (Pye).  The only trouble was the folk on the record, weren't the people in the photograph on the record sleeve. 

I think they got a group of rather inebriated pub singers and got them to sing the latest tunes.  In return for a packet of wine gums and half a glass of strong bow cider each.   They were rather appalling but at least they saved you a few bob. 

Car boot sales attract record collector obsessives like flies round a cow’s tail. You can be stood there freezing cold thinking: 


“Haven’t we done well dear?”  


We got up at four O’clock in the morning, and drove five miles to the nearest car boot sale. You handed over a tenner in payment for your pitch (a ten foot puddle overlooking the sewage works).  Three hours later and you have made four pounds thirty two pence, or one fifty.  If you take out the hot dogs and two cups of tea in the polyester cups. Suddenly, this creature comes up to and says:


“S’cuse me mate.  “How much is your record”?

You turn and look at a middle-aged man with a big 'U' smile, the size of the entrance to the Mersey tunnel.  You say:


“Is fifty pence ok?”  


“What?” 

says record collector obsessive, crouched down (in the puddle) flicking through your records.  It says:

“I have been searching for THE BIGGEST ASPIDISTRA IN THE WORLD BY GRACE FIELDS for the last fifteen years...


He then takes it out of it's paper sleeve and examines the black vinyl for five minutes.  He shakes your hand like a long lost friend and says:

"I would gladly have given you seventy five quid for it.”  

You have made some bodies day and ruined your own!   
---------------------------------------

Here's the biggest selling single of the 1970's:  Mull Of Kintyre. See you later in the week.

15 comments:

  1. I love my vinyl, I don't have music on my laptop or an iPod etc. I remember getting lps for Christmas, usually John Lennon ones. My vinyl collection is pretty big, I love that crackly sound. And yes I remember buying them in Asia too, and from our local chemist shop.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Ronnie, Thanks for that. I must get a record player again. We have a collection of vinyl in the loft and its about time we played them. I also like the crackly sound. Seem to spend some time every day on You Tube listening to bands from year a go. There's so much that I haven't heard by so many famous bands. Think Thin Lizzy get played the most.

    Thanks for your comment!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I had a particular yen for coloured vinyl, and picture discs. Got some amazing prog rock albums with artwork by Patrick Woodroffe, and lovely blue discs - remember Saxon - good Barnsley lads..Sitting in the loft, waiting for me to get a turntable. Happy days....

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have seen Saxon Steve. Great band. I used to have lots of albums but they all got scratched or sold or I gave them away.

    The missus still got a good collection in the loft - mainly Sad Cafe, 10 CC and Chris De Burgh:

    "Don't pay the ferry man.."



    Don't know Patrick Woodroffe. Will look him up on Google tonight for something to do. Like you say:

    Happy days...

    Thanks for your thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh no !!! I’m really going to show my age now, but I remember seeing Saxon a couple of times, before they became Saxon.

    It was in a small village pub, not far from Barnsley actually, where in the late 60’s we would delight in sitting just yards from very large speakers, and having our hearing disabled for about a week.

    The band......... SON OF A BITCH.

    Tom

    ReplyDelete
  6. That's brilliant Tom. Think we all used to listen to the speakers (put head literally next to them)and our ears would ring all next day.

    I have also heard of the legendary Theakstons Nostell Priory Free Festival in 1982 with Jethro Tull and Marillion. I believe ice cream vans sold pints of Theakstons Old Peculier.

    I recently discovered a really funny American rock band: Nashville Pussy. Have a look at: "The bitch just kicked me out."

    Do you like Barry Hines Tom? Think A Kestrel For A Knave is a classic English film. Brian Glover was brilliant. American Werefolf in London and 'Little Voice' are also crackers! Spent many an holiday in Scarborough. We always stayed in the North bay though. Me mum said it was the posh part.

    Great rock nostalgia. Thanks!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Embarrassingly, I can’t say I know that much about Barry Hines, apart from Kes and I know I should, having come from that neck of the woods and worked in the coalmines. I think I need to re-educate myself.

    We do have another famous local scribbler now, in Ian McMillan, have you read any of his? He’s quite funny, and has a bit more depth than perhaps meets the eye me thinks. Also, he’s just been awarded honorary D.Lit. from a York university. Hope it doesn’t go to his head, can’t be having that now, can we.

    By the way, we don’t live that far from Scarborough, having left sunny South Yorkshire during the miner’s strike, and regularly walk round the posh bit you refer to.

    Oh, and I’m a John Smiths man myself. Theakstones !!! wash your mouth out lad.

    Regards

    Tom

    ReplyDelete
  8. Tom have a look at, Pomona Books website. They have 'The Artistic Life'by Barry Hines and 'The Richard Mathewman stories: Ian McMillan & Martyn Wiley. Think they are only about one pound twenty five each and they are brand new and postage is free. I have both books and they are excellent reads.

    I am familiar with Ian McMillan's poems and when he was Barnsley FC poet Laureate. I have also read a few Michael Parkinson's books - another Barnsley lad, I believe?

    Simon Armitage is another good writer and poet and comes from the white rose county. There also some good one's from Lancashire like Mike Harding.

    Fountains Abbey and Robin Hoods Bay are some more famous places we used to love to visit near you.

    Are there any good real ale breweries near you?

    Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Unfortunately, I've had to get rid of most my vinyl, Dave, but still refuse to part with the Rush and Blue Oyster Cult albums.

    Also still keep those great late 1970s live albums: UFO: 'Strangers in the Night'; Cheap Trick: 'Live at the Budokan'; Thin Lizzy: 'Live and Dangerous' etc.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi Pat,

    Yeah I remember your impressive record collecioin Pat. It was wall to wall. How many LP's did you have Pat?

    I have got 'Live and Dangerous' on CD, but it doesn't seem the same some how. Thin Lizzy get played once a week at the very least. 'Strangers in the Night' is my favourite album of all time. You saw Phil Mogg and UFO recently didn't you?

    Thanks Pat. I know you must be busy and I missed your comments.

    ReplyDelete
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