Booking An Alternative Airline. "Anybody Want To Sell An Old 747?"

I see a certain short flight air company was voted the 'worst airline' for six years in a row.  We always use them because they are extremely cheap but I do think they could give you a free beverage, not try to sell me a lottery ticket and provide some in flight entertainment.  This got me thinking, hmm...?

Imagine if you could get a second hand flight simulator or even a 747 jet.  Park it up on a supermarket car park.  Then you could sell “stay at home holidays”.  A hostess greets you with your favourite drink and they show you to your seat.  A band  starts playing your favourite music: “Tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree.”

Then the hostess serves you your favourite native dish.  No I am not talking about Chicken Tikka Masala.  Yes we all know it was invented in a London restaurant. Margarine is actually grey and electricity slot meters are not money boxes for saving up in. 

You have some more drinks and listen to your favourite comedian.  Then you chat up the air hostess and think you are having an intelligent conversation.  In reality she is thinking:

“Oh no?  Not another two pot shouter”.

She must be Australian? 

Don’t ask why you never see Skippy the bush kangaroo any more on the television: "Tut, tut, tut".

"What Skippy?  He's fallen down the mine and I need to bring a rope and couple of tinnies to quench your thirst?"

The poor air hostess goes to the toilets (outside one’s on the wings) and wipes your spit from her ears.  

You then go home and sleep in your own little beddy wed. 

I forgot to say that there is a big sign advertising the tour.  It says;

“OUR GATE AND KERB STONE EDGE Holiday Tours!

What do you think?  You think you have been on holiday.  But it reality this is not true.  All you did was walk out of Tesco’s and climb up some steps on an old 747.  I am surprised that anybody hasn’t already thought of it? 

You know how they say fact is funnier than fiction.  Well... 

I read in some book (can’t remember?) that if you jump into a taxi in Dublin and say;.

“Take me to Butlins please driver.”

The driver takes you to Asylum Seekers centre.  Yes believe it or not.  They incarcerate asylum seekers in the former Butlins holiday camp. 

Here's another alternative airline for you to consider: