Tuesday, 26 February 2019

A Chipshop Tale.

When I was in the Algarve.  Sid the seagull and I talked about chips (see last blog post!) and he told me tell you the following anecdote:


I once walked into a Chinese takeaway one pleasant evening.  The shop staff was out the back preparing some dishes.  A rather drunk man was sat at the counter eating his chips.  He had decided to make his self at home for the evening, like you do!  The man recognized my friend who was with me:
“Hello lad, your one of me son's mates aren’t you?”  I’ve been watching telly (same programmes as other Chinese takeaway) for last half an hour.  They always show the same foreign shit.”
We laughed and nodded in agreement (just to pacify) him.
Suddenly, he gets up and bolts straight over the food counter.
“Let’s see if that Charlie Angels is on telly (good foreign American television).  I wouldn’t mind getting them three in my bed.” 
Two angry looking Chinese men rush out from the back.  One shouts to our chip shop entertainer:
 “What do you think your doing?  You trying to steal money out of till, me call the police.” 
“No I’m not; I’m only seeing what’s on the other side.  You have got it all wrong.”  He then decided to attempt to run away (one foot on the road, one on the pavement) with two irate martial arts experts chasing after him.   It was very funny!
 Have you got any chip-shop or takeaway tales?


  1. In my cycling days I nipped into a chip shop in Burnley and as you can probably guess when I came out my bike was gone. I then saw a man wheeling it down the street. He was accompanied by his peroxide blonde. Oi, I shouted, where do you think you're going with my bike? Sorry pal, we were going to hide it round the corner for a joke, he answered. Well I don't think it's very funny, I said. The pair sloped off sheepishly and left me to my bike and my supper.

  2. Great story Gwil. It probably sounded a funny thing to do. Especially if the couple had been on the wine gums. I remember when somebody would take a supermarket trolley taxi ride home. Happy days! Thanks.

  3. In Devon I saw 2 guys chasing another out of their kebab shop with huge knives that they cut the meat off of the big stick

  4. Gosh! I bet that was frightening Sol? I have been in an indian restaurant and a lady threw crockery at the waiters. That was back in the days when you went for a curry after the pubs closed. Just so you could have four pints or so of lager. We often never finished the curry. The indian restaurant owner would order a taxi just to get us home. We always had to have one last pint though. Thanks Sol!

  5. As anecdotes go that one was great. Real or unreal, that's what I want to know. Why didn't I get fun things like that when I was younger and more able to handle them?

  6. It's a true story Valerie. Oh to be a fly on the wall of a takeaway late on a Friday night. Thanks!

  7. Once upon a time, long long ago (well, 1960s) there was the first Chinese restaurant in Workington, operated by a man known as Mr Yip, a little guy with one leg a lot shorter than the other, he wore a 12" built-up boot and limped badly.

    One night, a drunk decided to enter his kitchen to shout abuse and threats at the little Chinese man, who was understandably terrified and threw a wok of hot oil over the drunk.

    Drunk carried off to hospital, Mr Yip arrested and carried off to the local nick, he was brought before the magistrates and served a short prison sentence.

    Never mess with these guys

  8. Gosh! Thanks for that Cumbrian. Like you say: never mess with these guys! Thanks.

  9. Yes, they are well known for coming out with machetes around here.

  10. Flipping heck! They don't sound like people that you would mess with. Thanks Rachel.

  11. No chip shop stories from me, just a memory of going into the local chippy near Sheerness (Kent) seafront, and coming out again with an open bag of fresh cooked fish and chips, sprinkled liberally (of course) with salt and vinegar, then walking along Sheerness seafront, sitting on a bench and eating them, with the seagulls harassing us until we gave them some morsels of food. Those were delightful memories. I don't miss much about the UK since I have been in France, but I definitely miss fish and chips, eaten as you walk along in the open air, either at night going home after an evening out in the town, or along the seafront in late afternoon or at dusk. Magic!

  12. Hi Vera. Its always interesting what you miss living in another country. There are some good fish and chip shops in Ireland. The Chipper is what they call them. I miss real ales, cricket and watching professional and non league football. You should go for an holiday in England. Sheerness sound wonderful. Thanks!


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