Sunday 1 December 2019

Amusing Funeral Thoughts.

These are the people who like a “good funeral.”  Some people get out a marker pen and highlight their television programmes for the week.    Funeral  goer looks in their local rag/ newspaper and scour the Obituary columns for their latest funerals for the forthcoming week.   He says something like the following:
"Isn't it strange how people die in alphabetical order?"
 “Lets see.  Tommy Teapot.   I’m sure I once new him?  I think my mothers uncle once bought a cat from his second cousin.  I think it got killed on the railway line.  Or was that my cousin Ernie?  I must go to the funeral.  He was a lovely man, always smiling and would always give you seccies or two’s up on his woodbine.  I see their having the do (Wake) in the White Lion.  I don’t think that I will bother.  They can’t make tongue sandwiches for toffee.”
I once heard a true story of a man who waited for a widow to return from burying her husband.  He offered his sympathy and said:;
“I wonder if you would sell Arthur’s tool shed?  He won’t be needing it any more!”   
Funerals are great places for funeral fans.  They can also get a warm a bite to eat and a nice cup of tea afterwards. 
You even get priest or vicars that make you laugh:  I once went to my aunt Nellie’s funeral.  The vicar, who had never met her.  Remarked on what a wonderful woman ELSIE was.  He couldn’t even remember her name.  It’s the only funeral I have ever been to when the congregation laughed!



32 comments:

  1. Well, well. We are off to a funeral in a couple of hours. Unfortunately our friend died young. He'll get a good send off. Church service, everyone follows the hearse on foot to the cemetary, a greek coffee and dried biscuit at the taverna next door and then fish or meat soup for the immediate family, not us. Oh and a glass or two of brandy with the coffee. I always need a few of those. Today they'll keep the cold out.
    In days gone by there would be wailing and gnashing of teeth but that has gone out of fashion. The priests did not like it and the younger generation are more subdued.
    A tongue sandwich and a pint would be fine. No such luck here. I'll get into the brandy instead.
    He was a friend from when I first arrived in greece and shall be missed

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  2. Sorry to read about your friend LA. Thanks for telling us about Greek funerals. You often see people follow the hearse to the abbey graveyard in town on foot. Thanks for commenting, especially today.

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  3. At my mother in law's funeral, many years ago now, her eldest son turned up and started to pick a fight with my OH and his dad. A charming fellow 🤨

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  4. Thanks JayCee. I think sometimes people have too much to drink and can't control their emotions at family occasions. You couldn't make it up.

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  5. At my father's funeral in the Fens 50 years ago his cousin turned up with a hessian sack of carrots for my mother. He opened the boot of his car and got the sack out before the funeral started and we were all in the car park waiting for the hearse. My mother was not particularly pleased about it.

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  6. Thanks Rachel. Bad timing, but I am sure his heart was in the right place with the carrots?

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  7. We did see the funny side of it even at the time but my mother still thought the carrots were a bit misplaced. Probably didn't help that she never liked carrots anyway!

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  8. It sounds like my auntie Nelly's funera when tears of sadness turned to tears of laughter. The vicar had never met her and anybody can give somebody the wrong name. Have you ever met somebody and they say your name and you haven't got the foggiest who they are? It's happened to me several times.

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  9. My late father-in-law, encouraged by my husband, started recording his memories on tape. Someone ???? thought it would be a good idea to play one of these tapes in said father-in-law's funeral. So we were all sitting there, in the Crem, being suitably respectful, when suddenly a tape started playing, and the voice of the decesased boomed out! Very odd!

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  10. Gosh! I bet that was strange? Thanks for sharing your funeral anecdote with us the veg artist.

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  11. I did hear on good authority of a deceased up north who had been buried in the wrong grave. The mistake came to light when his name and dates appeared later on the headstone of the grave next to it.

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  12. Gosh! How would they solve that one Valerie? Thanks for your comment.

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    Replies
    1. I have no idea, lolol. I do remember riding in funeral cars and thinking I wish I had one!!!!!

      Delete
    2. Ha, ha. You have a great sense of humour Valerie. I always wanted my very own Spitfire. Thanks.

      Delete
  13. That's a first Gwil. I bet you have never been called Valerie before? Sorry.

    I use to love Thora Hird in the funeral comedy: In Loving Memory.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  17. Greatest thanks to Dr Oyagu for his herbal drugs that he prepared for me and when i start using it in just 2weeks i was completely cured and that ended my HERPES SIMPLEX 1&2 DISEASE i am so happy and grateful to Dr Oyagu . after reading about him on a testimony of Jason Cash on a blogger. i knew suddenly Dr Oyagu was the right Doctor to cure my HERPES SIMPLEX 1&2 DISEASE. i discuss with Dr Oyagu and he prepared a herbal medicine for me and when it got sent to me in south korean . i used the herbal medicine and 2weeks and i went to check up again. after 15years of suffering from HERPES SIMPLEX 1&2 at last i am smiling once again. Dr Oyagu also has remedy to others disease like COLD SORES,HIV/AIDS,DIABETES.CANCER,HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND MANY MORE. I oblige everyone to contact this powerful herbalist Dr Oyagu and be free from your suffering. contact his WhatsApp line: +2348101755322 or his Email:Oyaguherbalhome@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete

  18. Hello Am From The UK , I want to write a little testimony about the good work of doctor Oyagu who cured me from Hsv 1 and 2 for just 2 weeks with his herbal medicine, I never believe I can be normal again and have a good life like others I always regretted the day I got diagnose with the virus, I was lost of hope when my doctor told me there is no cure for it but I keep thinking and thinking about my future, if I can have kids of my own well I am so grateful for my helper who get me cured with his herbal medicine, I go online in search of anything that can help me because I can’t deal with it forever so I found this doc Oyagu email on a blog of someone who was cured by him I quickly contact him for help and explain all my pain to him, he told me not to worry about it there is cure for real, I never believe until he send me the herbal medicine when I order for it and I have it within 4 days that is how I took the medicine for 2 week and the following week I go for test just to confirm I was 100% cured from this sickness what a miracle in my life I am so happy right now, you can also get in contact with him if you have such sickness through email address oyaguherbalhome@gmail. com or text him on what's app, phone number +2348101755322 Dr Oyagu also has remedy to others disease like COLD SORES,HIV/AIDS,DIABETES.CANCER,HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND MANY MORE. I oblige everyone to contact this powerful herbalist Dr Oyagu and be free from suffering.

    ReplyDelete

  19. i already gave up on ever getting cured of HSV2 because i have try many treatment none of them work out for me i have go to different hospital they always tell me same thing there is no cure for herpes when i came across a post about Dr oyagu, in the net from a lady called Rebecca i contacted him and he reassured me with him herbal medicine which i took according to the way he instructed, that how i was cured. I doubted at first because i have been to a whole lot of reputable doctors, tried a lot of medicines but none was able to cure me. so i decided to listen to him and he commenced treatment, and under two weeks i was totally free from Herpes. i want to say a very big thank you to DR oyagu for what he has done in my life. feel free to leave him a message on email oyaguherbalhome@gmail.com and also WhatsApp him +2348101755322..
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    ReplyDelete

  20. i already gave up on ever getting cured of HSV2 because i have try many treatment none of them work out for me i have go to different hospital they always tell me same thing there is no cure for herpes when i came across a post about Dr oyagu, in the net from a lady called Rebecca i contacted him and he reassured me with him herbal medicine which i took according to the way he instructed, that how i was cured. I doubted at first because i have been to a whole lot of reputable doctors, tried a lot of medicines but none was able to cure me. so i decided to listen to him and he commenced treatment, and under two weeks i was totally free from Herpes. i want to say a very big thank you to DR oyagu for what he has done in my life. feel free to leave him a message on email oyaguherbalhome@gmail.com and also WhatsApp him +2348101755322..
    He can still be able to help you with this herbs medicine:
    1...ALS CURE/DIABETES CURE/EPILESY/HPV CURE/LUPUS/HEPATITIS/CANCER/GOUT

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete

  22. Hello Am From The UK , I want to write a little testimony about the good work of doctor Oyagu who cured me from Hsv 1 and 2 for just 2 weeks with his herbal medicine, I never believe I can be normal again and have a good life like others I always regretted the day I got diagnose with the virus, I was lost of hope when my doctor told me there is no cure for it but I keep thinking and thinking about my future, if I can have kids of my own well I am so grateful for my helper who get me cured with his herbal medicine, I go online in search of anything that can help me because I can’t deal with it forever so I found this doc Oyagu email on a blog of someone who was cured by him I quickly contact him for help and explain all my pain to him, he told me not to worry about it there is cure for real, I never believe until he send me the herbal medicine when I order for it and I have it within 4 days that is how I took the medicine for 2 week and the following week I go for test just to confirm I was 100% cured from this sickness what a miracle in my life I am so happy right now, you can also get in contact with him if you have such sickness through email address oyaguherbalhome@gmail. com or text him on what's app, phone number +2348101755322 Dr Oyagu also has remedy to others disease like COLD SORES,HIV/AIDS,DIABETES.CANCER,HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND MANY MORE. I oblige everyone to contact this powerful herbalist Dr Oyagu and be free from suffering.

    ReplyDelete
  23. MY NAME IS Ayeme FROM California...I SAW THIS COMMENT ON POSITIVE BLOGS AND I WILL LOVE TO TELL EVERYBODY HOW MY STATUS CHANGES TO NEGATIVE, AND AM NOW A LIVING WITNESS OF IT AND I THINK ITS A SHAME ON ME IF I DON'T SHARE THIS LOVELY STORY WITH OTHER PEOPLE INFECTED WITH THIS DEADLY VIRUS...,HIV HAS BEEN ONGOING IN MY FAMILY... I LOST BOTH PARENTS TO HIV,. AND IT IS SO MUCH PAIN I'VE NOT BEEN ABLE TO GET OVER.. AS WE ALL KNOW MEDICALLY THERE IS NO SOLUTION TO IT..AND MEDICATION IS VERY EXPENSIVE..SO SOMEONE INTRODUCED ME TO A NATIVE MEDICAL PRACTITIONER IN AFRICA..I HAD A JOB THERE TO EXECUTE SO I TOOK TIME TO CHECK OUT ON HIM.I SHOWED HIM ALL MY TESTS AND RESULTS.. I WAS ALREADY DIAGNOSED WITH HIV AND IT WAS ALREADY TAKING ITS ALL OVER ON ME.. I HAD SPENT THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS SO I DECIDED TO TRY HIM OUT...I WAS ON HIS DOSAGE FOR 1 MONTHS. ALTHOUGH I DIDN'T BELIEVE IN IT, I WAS JUST TRYING IT OUT OF FRUSTRATION... AND AFTER 2 WEEKS, I WENT FOR NEW TESTS... AND YOU WONT BELIEVE THAT 5 DIFFERENT DOCTORS CONFIRMED IT THAT AM NEGATIVE..IT WAS LIKE A DREAM,,I NEVER BELIEVE AIDS HAS CURE..AM NOW NEGATIVE,,AM A LIVING WITNESS..I DON'T KNOW HOW TO THANK THIS MAN... I JUST WANT TO HELP OTHERS IN ANY WAY I CAN..HAVE JOINED MANY FORUMS AND HAVE POSTED THIS TESTIMONIES AND A LOT OF PEOPLE HAS MAIL AND CALLED THIS MAN ON PHONE AND AFTER 2 WEEKS THEY ALL CONFIRMED NEGATIVE..BBC NEWS TOOK IT LIVE AND EVERY.. HOPE HE HELPS YOU OUT.. EVERYBODY SAW IT AND ITS NOW OUT IN PAPERS AND MAGAZINES THAT THERE'S NATIVE CURE FOR HIV AND ALL WITH THE HELP OF THIS MAN,,HAVE TRIED MY OWN PARTS AND ALL LEFT WITH YOU,,IF YOU LIKE TAKE IT OR NOT..GOD KNOWS HAVE TRIED MY BEST.ABOUT 97 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED NEGATIVE THROUGH ME..AND THEY SEND MAILS TO THANKS ME AFTER THEY HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED NEGATIVE,,THIS MAN IS REAL..DON'T MISS THIS CHANCE,,HIV IS A DEADLY VIRUS,,GET RID OF IT NOW.. YOU CAN CONTACT HIM HERE AS (Drodomasolutionhome20@gmail.com) and also his state based number text him here if you're on WhatsApp: +2348100649947.
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    Love Spells
    Luck, Money Spells
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    NEW! Combo Spells
    High Priestess Spells
    Vampire Spells
    Authentic Voodoo Spells
    Custom, Other Spells
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    Health/Healing spells
    Cancer healing
    Curse removal
    Job spells
    Healing from all kind of diseases
    Love binding
    Barrenness(need a child)
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    Lottery Spells
    Promotions
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    winning court case
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    Low sperm count
    Infertility in women
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    YOU CAN CONTACT HIM HERE AS (drodomasolutionhome20@gmail.com) and also his state based number text him here if you're on WhatsApp: +2348100649947.i wish you best of luck and good health.  

    ReplyDelete
  24. MY NAME IS Ayeme FROM California...I SAW THIS COMMENT ON POSITIVE BLOGS AND I WILL LOVE TO TELL EVERYBODY HOW MY STATUS CHANGES TO NEGATIVE, AND AM NOW A LIVING WITNESS OF IT AND I THINK ITS A SHAME ON ME IF I DON'T SHARE THIS LOVELY STORY WITH OTHER PEOPLE INFECTED WITH THIS DEADLY VIRUS...,HIV HAS BEEN ONGOING IN MY FAMILY... I LOST BOTH PARENTS TO HIV,. AND IT IS SO MUCH PAIN I'VE NOT BEEN ABLE TO GET OVER.. AS WE ALL KNOW MEDICALLY THERE IS NO SOLUTION TO IT..AND MEDICATION IS VERY EXPENSIVE..SO SOMEONE INTRODUCED ME TO A NATIVE MEDICAL PRACTITIONER IN AFRICA..I HAD A JOB THERE TO EXECUTE SO I TOOK TIME TO CHECK OUT ON HIM.I SHOWED HIM ALL MY TESTS AND RESULTS.. I WAS ALREADY DIAGNOSED WITH HIV AND IT WAS ALREADY TAKING ITS ALL OVER ON ME.. I HAD SPENT THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS SO I DECIDED TO TRY HIM OUT...I WAS ON HIS DOSAGE FOR 1 MONTHS. ALTHOUGH I DIDN'T BELIEVE IN IT, I WAS JUST TRYING IT OUT OF FRUSTRATION... AND AFTER 2 WEEKS, I WENT FOR NEW TESTS... AND YOU WONT BELIEVE THAT 5 DIFFERENT DOCTORS CONFIRMED IT THAT AM NEGATIVE..IT WAS LIKE A DREAM,,I NEVER BELIEVE AIDS HAS CURE..AM NOW NEGATIVE,,AM A LIVING WITNESS..I DON'T KNOW HOW TO THANK THIS MAN... I JUST WANT TO HELP OTHERS IN ANY WAY I CAN..HAVE JOINED MANY FORUMS AND HAVE POSTED THIS TESTIMONIES AND A LOT OF PEOPLE HAS MAIL AND CALLED THIS MAN ON PHONE AND AFTER 2 WEEKS THEY ALL CONFIRMED NEGATIVE..BBC NEWS TOOK IT LIVE AND EVERY.. HOPE HE HELPS YOU OUT.. EVERYBODY SAW IT AND ITS NOW OUT IN PAPERS AND MAGAZINES THAT THERE'S NATIVE CURE FOR HIV AND ALL WITH THE HELP OF THIS MAN,,HAVE TRIED MY OWN PARTS AND ALL LEFT WITH YOU,,IF YOU LIKE TAKE IT OR NOT..GOD KNOWS HAVE TRIED MY BEST.ABOUT 97 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED NEGATIVE THROUGH ME..AND THEY SEND MAILS TO THANKS ME AFTER THEY HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED NEGATIVE,,THIS MAN IS REAL..DON'T MISS THIS CHANCE,,HIV IS A DEADLY VIRUS,,GET RID OF IT NOW.. YOU CAN CONTACT HIM HERE AS (Drodomasolutionhome20@gmail.com) and also his state based number text him here if you're on WhatsApp: +2348100649947.
    Incase there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out, and he do cast all kind of spell like ::

    Love Spells
    Luck, Money Spells
    Health, Well Being
    Protection, Healing
    Curses, ex, Breakups
    NEW! Combo Spells
    High Priestess Spells
    Vampire Spells
    Authentic Voodoo Spells
    Custom, Other Spells
    Business spells
    Health/Healing spells
    Cancer healing
    Curse removal
    Job spells
    Healing from all kind of diseases
    Love binding
    Barrenness(need a child)
    Need love
    Lottery Spells
    Promotions
    Success
    Money rituals
    winning court case
    Divorce spells
    Low sperm count
    Infertility in women
    Breast enlargement/reduction
    Penis enlargement/reduction

    YOU CAN CONTACT HIM HERE AS (drodomasolutionhome20@gmail.com) and also his state based number text him here if you're on WhatsApp: +2348100649947.i wish you best of luck and good health.  

    ReplyDelete
  25. I AM SO VERY HAPPY TODAY!!! That is why I am giving this big thanks to Dr.Kham for curing me from HERPES. I have been suffering from HERPES for the past six (6)years and i tried everything possible to get myself cured but i couldn't get any solution! until i decided to try herbal cure. That was how i got in contact with this great herbal doctor in an online research, i contacted him and demand for the cure and he send me the cure through UPS and gave me instructions on how to use it and after one week of taking the herbal medicine of Dr Kham i went to the hospital for check and to God be the glory i tested HERPES negative, (I am so glad to see myself HERPES negative once again). I’m very proud to express my happiness through this platform and to say a big thanks to Dr. Kham for restoring my life back to normal. You can as well contact Dr. Kham via email: dr.khamcaregiver@gmail.com or dr.khamcaregiver@outlook.com or you can call and whatsapp him on +2348159922297, You can Also Visit his website to know more about him at > https://drkhamherbalhealingcenter.wordpress.com/ or https://drkhamcaregiver.wixsite.com/drkhamcaregiverherba if you are infected with HERPES virus or having any health problems you can contact Dr Kham and he will help you. DOCTOR KHAM CAN AS WELL CURE THE FOLLOWING DISEASE:1. HIV/AIDS2. HERPES
    3. CANCER of all kind
    4. HSV 1&2
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    7.HPV
    8.COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease)
    9.Asthma
    10.Acute angle-closure Glaucoma
    11.Sickle cell
    12.CHRONIC PANCREATITIS

    Dr Kham is capable of curing any type of diseases with his herbal medicine. Once again his email is dr.khamcaregiver@outlook.com or dr.khamcaregiver@gmail.com


    ReplyDelete
  26. I'm 40 years old female I tested genital herpes (HSV1-2) positive in 2002. I was having bad outbreaks. EXTREMELY PAINFUL. I have try different kinds of drugs and treatment by the medical doctors all to know was avail. Six months ago I was desperately online searching for a helpful remedies for genital herpes (HSV1-2) cure, which i come across some helpful remedies on how Dr OYAGU have help so many people in curing genital herpes (HSV1-2) with the help of herbal treatment because I too believe there is someone somewhere in the world who can cure herpes completely. At of the past 2 months, however, I've been following his herpes protocol Via oyaguherbalhome@gmail.com or +2348101755322 and it stopped all outbreaks completely! To my greatest surprise I was cured completely by following the protocol of his herbal medicine . Don't be discouraged by the medical doctors. There is a cure for HSV with the help of herbs and roots by a herbalist Dr call Dr OYAGU he is so kind and truthful with his herbal treatment, kindly contact him for more information Via oyaguherbalhome@gmail.com or WhatsApp DR on +2348101755322 you will be lucky as i am today

    ReplyDelete
  27. I want to use this opportunity to thank Dr Oyagu for the grate work he has done for me and my cousin sister, I was cured from herpes virus through his herbal remedy and my cousin sisters was also cured from Cancer. This is a grate testimony for what Dr Oyagu Has done for me and my entire generation. I’m giving this testimony so that those of you out there can contact him while he keeps saving my relatives. Send him a Dm and get a better health totally. Contact him via WhatsApp +2348101755322 or Email address:oyaguherbalhome@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete

  28. I'm 40 years old female I tested genital herpes (HSV1-2) positive in 2002. I was having bad outbreaks. EXTREMELY PAINFUL. I have try different kinds of drugs and treatment by the medical doctors all to know was avail. Six months ago I was desperately online searching for a helpful remedies for genital herpes (HSV1-2) cure, which i come across some helpful remedies on how Dr OYAGU have help so many people in curing genital herpes (HSV1-2) with the help of herbal treatment because I too believe there is someone somewhere in the world who can cure herpes completely. At of the past 2 months, however, I've been following his herpes protocol Via oyaguherbalhome@gmail.com or +2348101755322 and it stopped all outbreaks completely! To my greatest surprise I was cured completely by following the protocol of his herbal medicine . Don't be discouraged by the medical doctors. There is a cure for HSV with the help of herbs and roots by a herbalist Dr call Dr OYAGU he is so kind and truthful with his herbal treatment, kindly contact him for more information Via oyaguherbalhome@gmail.com or WhatsApp DR on +2348101755322 you will be lucky as i am today

    ReplyDelete
  29. Hello Am From The UK , I want to write a little testimony about the good work of doctor Oyagu who cured me from Hsv 1 and 2 for just 2 weeks with his herbal medicine, I never believe I can be normal again and have a good life like others I always regretted the day I got diagnose with the virus, I was lost of hope when my doctor told me there is no cure for it but I keep thinking and thinking about my future, if I can have kids of my own well I am so grateful for my helper who get me cured with his herbal medicine, I go online in search of anything that can help me because I can’t deal with it forever so I found this doc Oyagu email on a blog of someone who was cured by him I quickly contact him for help and explain all my pain to him, he told me not to worry about it there is cure for real, I never believe until he send me the herbal medicine when I order for it and I have it within 4 days that is how I took the medicine for 2 week and the following week I go for test just to confirm I was 100% cured from this sickness what a miracle in my life I am so happy right now, you can also get in contact with him if you have such sickness through email address oyaguherbalhome@gmail.com or text him on what's app, phone number +2348101755322 Dr Oyagu also has remedy to others disease like COLD SORES,HIV/AIDS,DIABETES.CANCER,HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND MANY MORE. I oblige everyone to contact this powerful herbalist Dr Oyagu and be free from suffering.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I was cured of HIV with the use of natural herbs. My name is Alandre and I'm from Texas. I love herbs so much. Most times, injection and drugs are just a waste of time. I was cured, I suffered from HIV for 13 years but with the help of Dr. Mark herbal medicine, I was cured within a few weeks of drinking the herbs he sent to me through courier delivery service. This same doctor also cured my Aunty from herpes, as soon as I heard she had herpes, I quickly refer her to Dr.Mark and she was cured too after drinking his herbs.I have referred a lot of people to Dr. Mark and they were all cured from their various illness. Have you taken herbs before?. You have spent so much money on drugs,injections,surgeries etc and yet you have no good result to show for it. Contact Dr. Mark now, he is a herbalist doctor, Dr. Mark has herbs that cures Hiv, Herpes, diabetics, asthma, hepatitis, STD, cancer, chronic, etc. Contact Dr Mark through his Email address on: blessedlovetemple@gmail.com Please share the good news to other people once you are cured.

    ReplyDelete

Onion Set Planting.

I still managed to plant up two of the new planters/raised beds with onion sets in the rain yesterday. Notice the white root sock in the com...