Thursday 5 November 2020

Mr and Mrs "Right On's" Allotment.


Mr and Mrs "Right On's" Allotment.

All characters in the following blog post are entirely fictitious but I have met a few like them!  You might even say they are exaggerations of allotment characters I have met?    I once met a couple who brought their commode in the shed and used its contents  to empty on the vegetables and fruit.  Peeing on the compost heap? Well  may be but "night soil" or number twos? C'mon!  Shall I get on with it?  Writing the post,  not emptying the commode.

Mr and Mrs 'Right On.'

This is a middle class, Barbour jacket wearing couple.  They decide to get themselves  (rent)a municipal allotment and grow 'Organic' vegetables and worship Mother Earth and:

"Do one's bit".

The great day arrives and they go to see their new potager and cannot believe their "one's) eyes:

"What."

They cry.

"Vegetables don't come washed and diced in plastic bags (biodegradable of course) like the one's we get in  Marks and Spencer's?"

Mr and Mrs Right on decide that their allotmenteering efforts will prevent global warming and the depletion of the Amazon rainforests all because THEY are growing 'Organic' vegetables.

Mr Right On does not believe in digging or weeding his allotment.  He doesn't want to upset the ecosphere and anaerobic digestion of some endangered worm species ("Lesser Spotted Tunbridge Wells Elasticicus") and decides he will find an extra few hours a week for their gardener Mr Commonplace.

"Yes sir, Yes sir."

Doffing cap, tugging forelock.

Mr and Mrs 'Right On' drive an enormous gas guzzling Volvo estate.  This is however only for transportation and for carrying the 'Organic' produce and gardening equipment to the allotment shed.

Mr 'Right On' is tired of Mrs 'Right On' complaining of the allotment earth on the car carpets.

"Must get a shed for the allotment."

"Yes dear.  What kind?"

"Oh only a small thingamajig.  I think they call them Gatekeepers cottages.  Must have a look in the classifieds for one."

"Time for tea."

"With a lemon slice".

Prog On A Friday is back tomorrow.  I bet you can't wait?

24 comments:

  1. Ha-ruddy-ha! I have loved these pen portraits of allotment tenants. It has all reminded me of my time as an allotment holder on Hagg Hill all those years ago. I am sure that all the old boys who had allotments around me will be dead now.

    Remember that when allotments first appeared they were intended to help working class people to survive. It wasn't about gardening as a hobby as it seems to be nowadays.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right YP. They were intended to help working class people to survive next to railways. Council houses were built with big gardens too for small livestock and vegetable cultivation. I would love to see Dig For Victory and the Land Girls. A nineteen forties acoustic Prog band.😀

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  2. Do you mind - I've worn Barbours for 40 years! We did have a Volvo once, but not the type you mean, and as for mud - husband has no problem bringing it into the house.
    We've had lots of people like this move to West Wales, but they don't stay pristine for long!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi JayCee. We came over in a little Volvo JayCee and a Luton van. It was three o'clock in the morning at Fishguard and Heddlu asked us if we had a lawnmower or babies milk. It was the time of foot and mouth.

    Did you ever see any plastic mud on the Chelsea tractors? I think we did when we lived in the posh village near Manchester airport when the mothers took their 'darlings' to school.

    Thanks.😊

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sorry the veg artist for calling you JayCee. Whoops! I would love to have lived around the Welsh Marches.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You could afford a Barber.😊

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And you could afford a Barbie Northsider - to go with your Ken.

      Delete
  6. Ha,ha. Barbara Good would of been nicer. A nice allotment in Surbiton would be swell.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, the good life, full of fun seems to be the ideal
      Mm, the good life lets you hide all the sadness you feel.

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  7. Yorkshire Pudding sings Tony Bennett. Coming to a blog near you.🎤😀

    ReplyDelete
  8. Reminds me of David Cameron's shed.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yes. Perhaps it could have a duck pond too?

    ReplyDelete
  10. These stories make me laugh. Perhaps Mr and Mrs. Right-on would appreciate hearing from Adams Johnson

    ReplyDelete
  11. Glad they make you laugh Debby.

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