Monday 9 November 2020

The "Novice" Allotment Holder.

The "Novice" Allotment Holder.  

This is true dear readers:

Another creature I met on my allotment saunters is the"novice" allotment holder.  Lets call him Mick the new lad.  He informed me that he was sick and tired of playing darts and he wanted:

"Summat to do."

"At the weekends."

The poor man was bored and was in need of an hobby or leisure pursuit.  Especially when it wasn't the football season.    

Oh to watch a live football match, eat a potato pie and drink a cup of Bovril.  Maybe even a pint of bitter?  Something else to miss from Blighty.  Rock concerts too.  It's enough to make you put your name down for an allotment.  I have my own but it's  not the same without the characters is it?

Any road:

I informed him that I was an allotment grower.  I suggested that he got himself an allotment to show his family what an hunter, gatherer, he was or wasn't?  He was quite enthusiastic to the idea and I managed to secure him the tenancy of an half plot. 

He was duly delighted with his new plot.  Until he realised  that the four foot high plot of grass and Rose-bay willow herb was his new Potager.  He was quite taken back and expected his'new' plot to be dug over, ready for him!

"Yeah right!"

"Pull the other one.  There are bells on it!"

He soon got over his disappointment and duly rushed down to Wilkinsons in the High Street and purchased a new spade (toy) and an array of vegetable and flower seeds which he purchased in OCTOBER!  

A month or two later.  I went to see how he had been getting on with his new vegetable endeavours.  In fact he had managed to clear SIX feet square of soil.  It was just after Christmas.  I asked him how he was enjoying his new hobby?

"I don't know Dave."

He says.

"I can't understand why none of my vegetable seeds have come up"/germinated.

The silly billy had only sowed and planted his Summer vegetables in WINTER !


26 comments:

  1. Hmmm.. perhaps like some people of the male variety he never reads the instruction manual but just gets stuck in. Not like you, of course xx

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  2. God loves a trier JayCee. At least he didn't just erect a shed and move in and escape from the missus and white goods? Novice Allotment had a go. I am chief digger and weeder and the wife sows and cooks the lovely veg.🥪

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  3. Poor lad! He was probably a full blood Lancastrian whereas your genes were enriched by your Irish ancestors.

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  4. Ha,ha. He was from Cheshire actually YP. My mother's grandmother came from Wrexham. So I have English, Irish and Welsh genes.

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    1. I used to like American genes - Levi and Wrangler but I haven't worn any for years!

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  5. Ha,ha. I always laugh when I hear Americans say "I'm Irish American." I have even got a great great grandfather from somewhere in Yorkshire. Levi Strause was a clever man during the Gold Rush. Instead of searching for gold he sold denim and work tools. Clever chap,

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    1. You have a smidgeon of Yorkshire blood in you? Oh - that is so nice to hear! In contrast with you I am 100% Yorkshire - no Irish, Scottish, Welsh, Derbyshire, Russian, French or Italian blood at all. But if you reach further back in time I am of Viking descent. No wonder I am so bloodthirsty!

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    2. More than a smidgeon YP. Do I detect some Wiltshire blood with you using the word smidgeon?😀 I think we all have Viking, Roman, Norman....genes.

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    3. They didn't have denim in those days.

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  6. Levi Strauss and co. Silly autocorrect.

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  7. Another interesting character. At least he gave it a go.

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  8. You're right Linda. Perhaps if he had some help tackling his overgrown jungle of an allotment he might of reaped the benefits of his labour?😊

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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think Ireland missed the American tourists this year Debby. I have quite a broad Lancastrian accent. Some one asked me the other day if I come from Yorkshire. Another one is when some one asks me how long am I on holiday? "Nearly twenty years" is my reply.

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  10. I had a dragon of a great-aunt growing up. An ex teacher, widowed in WWI, she liked kids, and she used to tell me that everyone is allowed to make any mistake once. Making that same mistake again was not on. What happened to the novice. Did he turn out to be a fine gardener?

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  11. Your 'dragon' of a great aunt sounds very sensible.

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  12. Your great aunt sounds very wise. Novice Allotment holder gave up his plot and went back to playing darts.

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