Sunday 15 April 2018

The "Novice" Allotment Holder.

Another creature I met on my allotment saunters is the"novice" allotment holder.  Lets call him Mick the new lad.  He informed me that he was sick and tired of playing darts and he wanted:

"Summat to do."

"At the weekends."

The poor man was bored and was in need of an hobby or leisure pursuit.  Especially when it wasn't the football season.  

I informed him that I was an allotment grower.  I suggested that he got himself an allotment to show his family what an hunter, gatherer, he was or wasn't?  He was quite enthusiastic to the idea and I managed to secure him the tenancy of an half plot. 

He was duly delighted with his new plot.  Until he realised  that the four foot high plot of grass and Rose-bay willow herb was his new Potager.  He was quite taken back and expected his'new' plot to be dug over, ready for him!

"Yeah right!"

"Pull the other one.  There are bells on it!"

He soon got over his disappointment and duly rushed down to Wilkinsons in the High Street and purchased a new spade (toy) and an array of vegetable and flower seeds which he purchased in OCTOBER!  

A month or two later.  I went to see how he had been getting on with his new vegetable endeavours.  In fact he had managed to clear SIX feet square of soil.  It was just after Christmas.  I asked him how he was enjoying his new hobby?

"I don't know Dave."

He says.

"I can't understand why none of my vegetable seeds haven't come through."

The silly billy had only gone and sown his SUMMER vegetables seeds in WINTER!


  1. You will have to take him under your wing bless him :-)

  2. That allotment tale is nearly twenty years a go Dawn. I think he gave up tending his allotment a few weeks later. At least he had a go. Thanks!

  3. For some strange reason I feel he might have been better off buttering bread!!! Sorry, but I know you'll understand that remark.

  4. It would be a good pastime for an allotment gardener on a rainy day like today. Mr Clockwork is also very good at buttering bread too. Thanks Valerie!

  5. Glad you enjoyed the true tale Kirsty!


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