Monday 2 November 2020

One Of My Allotment Characters. "Harry Napalm".

 People who have been reading this scribble for the last ten years might know some of my allotment characters that I have met and even created with my literary vivid imagination and stupidity?  

Harry "Napalm" lived or resided in an allotment a few veg plots up from me.  I also christened him " Harry Weedkiller".  He would arrive at his allotment in the merry month of April? Months after I had toiled and slaved and "bastard" trenched and "double dug" my French potager in Northwest England.  

Harry would get out his knapsack sprayer fill it with water and mix packets of weedkiller and spray the contents on any thing flora and green that resided in his allotment jungle.

Harry was well into his sixties and he would spend the next week or so sitting on his deckchair in the midst of his wilting jungle and supping cans of cheap lager.    

When everything was completely dead looking .  Harry would crack up his leviathan of a Howard rotovator and turn his Brown frazzled vegetables and weeds into brownish looking soil/wilderness.

He would then apply agricultural rates of chemical fertilizers like a spinning Dervish and proceed to sow vegetables and plant his spudatoes.   

The rest of his summer would be spent supping cans of "el crappo" lager and sitting on his deckchair,  Whilst I sweated and toiled and weeded and swore like a trooper.  I think it's called vegetables cultivation?

Result: Harry "Napalm's" vegetables were massive, "dead big" and enormous and probably tasted crap!








29 comments:

  1. I do love your charater descriptions and the names you come up with. You describe them so well I can feel your frustration. Damn Harry and his monsters.
    I wonder if he's still in the land of the living though after all that chemical warfare

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  2. Hi Linda. I never understood why people would go to the trouble of renting an allotment, spraying it with weedkiller and covering the vegetables in chemical fertilizers? It's over twenty years since I last saw Harry. He's probably in the great allotment in the sky. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow! As I replied in your last post, I don't use chemicals at all if I can help it, and the thought of what he was eating from his plot makes me feel quite weak. He could be well-preserved (as in pickled) though!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi the veg artist. You are like ourselves. I buy organic poultry pellets, make garden teas and put fym and seaweed on the veg plot. I don't believe in weedkiller where food is being grown. Harry preferred a easier and chemical approach.

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  7. Yum. Glyphosate flavour potatoes with Roundup rhubarb. A killer combination.

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  8. Yep. You would be surprised how many vegetable growers sing from that hymn sheet JayCee.

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  9. I don't have a great deal of experience with allotments but the one we have here don't permit chemical spraying. That sounds horrible!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi Debby. It's good to read that they don't permit chemical spraying over there. Thanks,

    ReplyDelete
  11. Not in allotments. What you do on you own property is up to you.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I dunno about that Debby ๐Ÿ˜€.

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    Replies
    1. Oh they spray with chemical sprays on big farms. THey have huge tractor attachments to do so.

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