Monday, 14 December 2020

Mrs White Plastic Chair Woman "Wants" Her Allotment Weeding.

 This is a new post I composed the other night while the other half knitted and we watched the electric fish tank (television) in the corner.  It's going to be a very long winter. 

 I met this creature on a very overgrown allotment over twenty years  ago when we lived in Blighty.  She would sit on a white plastic chair and look at the grass and weeds growing on her newly acquired allotment.  

We would often pass the time of day and I would talk about how my vegetables were growing and what I planned "to do" on my allotment  that very day.

The lady would sigh and say:  "I need to find a bloke to pull out the weeds and dig it over for me."

The weeks went by and I suggested covering the new allotment with cardboard boxes and one could lay them flat and  prostrate on the ground and then cover them with some kind of organic material.  The woman sighed again and said:

"I'll have to go to the supermarket for some cardboard boxes some time."

A day or two later I walked past her and she sat on her white  plastic chair and noticed nothing had been done on her veg plot.

"I  still haven't found anyone to dig it over".

"No" .  

I think she was after meeting some one or finding a  soil slave to cultivate her plot for her?  I thought of offering to dig some of her plot over for her.  Honest.  But I had "volunteered" on veg plots before and been rewarded with: "Thank you very much".  

My Grandfather on my Mum's  side had been in the army and he said: "Never volunteer for nowt". He also said you should never make a good job of any given task or else that job will be "yours".  He died before I was born and he had an allotment.  My other grandfather had a smallholding.  Perhaps it's  in the blood?

The lady looked middle-aged and had a grown up daughter who often accompanied to her new municipal potager/allotment.

"She doesn't like gardening, she's like me"

Said the lady.

They never cultivated the plot and someone told me:

"They've decided to give it up.  Says it's too much for them".

I think the lady was looking for some one to share the rest of her life with.  Perhaps she should of gone in the Dog and Duck on her own  and met some bar lizard who would have said:

"Can I buy you a drink love?"

They might have sat there  all night with her sipping like a puppy dog and him slurping and scooping downing his pints and spitting and shouting in her ear?  Isn't  that how you get to talk to members of the opposite set? Well you couldn't do it sober, could you?

Or perhaps she put her name down for another allotment where she would find a bloke who would cultivate and tame her veg plot and grow leviathan like vegetables and she wouldn't need to say:

"There's a pie in the microwave."

Post Blog:

I read this to the missus and she said it could be deemed sexist.  I suppose one could say that but it was more about the woman wanting some one to clear and dig over her new allotment while she sat on her white plastic chair.  At least when you have an allotment you can people watch.  
















 


15 comments:

  1. I deem this post SEXIST! And if you still lived over here in Merrie Olde Englande I would not hesitate to report you to The Equal Opportunities Commission.

    Seriously though - why the hell did that person (not woman) bother renting an allotment? He/she must have had a screw loose.

    ReplyDelete
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  2. Thanks YP. I see Blogger and You Tube have resumed normal service?

    I think a lot of people take up hobbies because they are lonely and want to meet other people. There must be lots of lonely people due to the Covid restrictions?

    ReplyDelete
  3. When we had our allotments there was a chap that never did any weeding, he grew the best veg on the site, I guess maybe the weeds hold the water in the soil. What's your opinion.
    Briony
    x

    ReplyDelete
  4. "Where nettles grow, anything will grow".

    That's an old country saying Briony. The allotment soil must of been very fertile with all the weeds. I often compost weeds and use them on the veg plot.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Unfortunately there are always people who want the result without putting in the effort, and that isn't going to happen with gardening without a great deal of money!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yep. There's no rose tinted spectacles with an allotment or veg garden. It takes work and money. She was a lonely soul who sticks in my memory. I hope she met someone. Thanks the veg artist.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I wonder if she bought that plot thinking that surely someone would tend it for her? If so, she really is too unthinking (I was going to say dumb) to own it. If she did find someone, she would probably not even want to plant it out or decide when the produce was ready. Really!!

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  8. Perhaps Peace Thyme. I have know people to have an allotment and spend their time in the shed and growing very few vegetables.

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