Friday 16 September 2022

Porridge On The Bus To Canterbury From Broadstairs.

 Yet another Blighty tale and character we met on our saunter around the sceptred isle or England even.

On the way back from our bus to trip to Broadstairs.  A man in his sixties and rather the worse for wear managed to  fall on to the bus.  The man cracked a few jokes with the bus driver and headed to the empty seats straight in front of me.  Jasper Carrott's Nutter On The Bus story started to play in my mental jukebox: "Eek as anyone seen my camel?"  "I've got an atomic bomb in my bag!" "It's only a biscuit tin".

The man clenched his fist and tapped it against my clenched fist:

My friend sat across from me and looked at me and laughed and smiled.  

The man introduced himself to us and said:"Alright mate?"  I replied: "Sound." " Oh your from up North?"

A well dressed lady got on at the next bus stop and sat across from us: " Alright darling?" Have you been waiting long to see us?"He said and we  roared and I nodded to the lady to reassure her he was harmless.  Just a loveable drunk on the bus giving free entertainment.

The bus stopped again.  Another  lady got on the bus and our new friend said to her: "Alright sweetheart.  Where we going tonight?" She laughed and smiled and sat a few seats away from us.  A few minutes later she had heard enough and went upstairs laughing.

He started to tell us he once was a boxer and then he started to remind us of the boxing match inthe BBC sitcom Porridge and he stood up and started sparring against an invisible boxer.  He threw one punch and nearly fell over.  Everybody on the bus was in stitches.  He then came out with the classic Porridge punch line: "It was a draw." My friend, myself and other passengers were in stitches.

We told  him about a New Day Festival and that Hugh Cornwell from The Stranglers was playing there on the Friday night.  He jumped up and said that they were his favourite band and sang into an imaginary microphone: "Walking on the beaches looking at the peaches".   

A lady passed us getting off the bus and he said:    "It's the ex wife". She got off the bus wiping tears of laughter from her eyes.

What a character.  I suppose you had to be there?😊 Oh what it must be like to have public transport and entertainment for free?

Have you ever met any similar comedians on the bus or train?


  1. There was a man, a lively charactor at the chemo suites. When he lost his hair, he bought a cap with long blonde pigtails. He was the funniest man, and just what that dark place needed. You simply couldn't help yourself, even as you sat in the chair, all hooked up to your machine. He'd be goofing and we'd all be howling as if we had the best seats in the comedy club.

    Another fellow walks around the stores claiming he's being held hostage by his wife. "Don't tell her where I am, or I'll be forced to help her pick out toilet paper!" Wide eyed mock terror and fingers to his lips. His wife, a perfectly normal looking woman, just shook her head and calmly kept on shopping.

    I love a good laugh and I say, God bless the smart alecks of this world!

  2. Great stories and laughs Debby. Comic characters make the world go round. I think that's why I love public transport. You always meet these kind of people. Thanks for that.

  3. Oh yes, the Nutter On The Bus. They always want to sit next to me for some reason. Perhaps they can recognise a kindred spirit?
    Oh now that reminds me of my first ever holiday by air. I was in the middle seat next to an elderly lady by the window. She kept waving out the window and told me she could see her husband outside and was waving to him. We were told later that her husband had died while they were both on holiday. Poor lady.

  4. I certainly seem to get them JayCee. Love your air plane window waving story. We once went on a holiday in Scarborough and we were in a cafe and my dad ordered some coffees and teas and old lady came up to him and said: "What you looking at my shoes for?" "Stop looking at my shoes".

  5. He zoundz like a good-natured drunkard. And yez, I have come acrozz zimilar fellowz on my travelz. Thankz for zharing Dave.

  6. Dropping by via Neil [on holiday].
    I remember an original in the late sixties. No traffic lights in our small town. But luckily there was Siegfried. He "regulated" the traffic, today at this intersection, tomorrow at that one.
    Memories ...

  7. Thanks Sean. Siegfried sounded a character.

  8. I am sure you could have a conversation with anyone Rachel. I am the same.

  9. Most of the over the top characters on a train or bus here are more threatening than funny and usually looking for a fag and a hand out. You're lucky to find an entertaining one. You do know how to meet em Dave

  10. I seem to attract them Linda. Says me who wants public transport where I live in the countryside next to the sea.


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